Week 3

Dearest readers near and abroad, first and foremost, sincerest apologies on the delayed updates here at the number one resource for all your favorite Team Epic Fail news. Due to the author's prolonged absence, here's week 3's run down as told from the perspective of one of TEF's top notch defenders...

"We played papa organics? First off stupid name and second off they had the reputation of being a**holes. So game starts off real rough and they go up 1-0. Soon after, Bryan Duggan had a rip from the half mark--hard and on the ground to the left corner. This tied it up... but even sooner after that, this big guy (who Erik claims looks like Frankenstein's son) was playing Bryan real, real, real rough, but Bryan got the ball out and passed it to Erik. Then he chases Erik and just hacks the s*** out of him claiming that it was Bryan's fault and "he started it" pointing franticly to Bryan. After some 'f*** you, you suck' from Bryan, game stayed 1-1 till half.

The drama then unfolds when we go down 4-1 really quick and everyone looks like they just drank PBR at halftime. Our substitute for Caleb's absence was Matt Wickwire, which was way awesome, and he helped calm us all down. Jesse soon put one in for us, making it 4-2. This caused everyone to regain their spark. Bill Money's defense was out of control and after he won a ball, played it to Erik, who put us within one, 4-3. The third goal came with 3 minutes to go and everyone on our side was super stoked and trying to kill the other team. Jose, our goalie, tied it on a low drive to the right and at 4-4 we had 2 minutes left. Then the mayhem unfolded and the goal scoring fiasco began. Jesse riped one low and in the right, making it 5-4. Their goalie runs out to a ball he should have left and Bryan headed it past him, volleyed it far left, thus making it 6-4. Jesse then stole the ball with 7 seconds to go, beat one, then two, and smashed it past the keeper. 7-4. The buzzer."

There you have it ladies and gentlemen. From the trenches. Make sure you RSS feed is set to TeamEpicFail.blogspot.com for further updates on your favorite soccer team!!!!

Week 2

After recovering from a devastating loss to group of lethargic fat men, Team Epic Fail sought to reclaim its former glory by taking on the Loan Rangers.  Although I am one to appreciate most puns, this was way out of line.  My guess would be that the Loan Rangers are a group of boring bankers well into their 30s.  

Shortly after the game began, a rather old and stocky bank teller collided with one of Epic Fail's star female forwards.  Her name is Jennifer and she has a last name.... I just don't know what it is.  Although the intention of this Loan Ranger is still disputed among most, Jennifer's husband and teammate had no question as to what this reckless player's motives were.  Storming across the turf,  this epic failure shoved the Loan Ranger to the ground... all the while maintaing a perfect side part in his hair.  Needless to say, it ruled hard.

The two goals for Epic Fail were scored by Domino (whose last name I also don't know) and team captain, Jesse Beard.  Upon the second goal being scored.  Epic Fail's Erik Diffin introduced everyone to his new signature celebratory gesture:  the single fist pump followed by the single hand clap... the 'e-diff'.

Due to EF's stout defensive play, the Loan Rangers were shutout and made to look like babbies.  When asked where his inspiration for ruling hard came from, EF defender, Bryan Duggan, simply responded:  I don't know about these guys, but I'm just trying to find a soul mate...

Well said, Duggan.  Well said.

Stay tuned for the results of Team Epic Fail's week 3!!!

Week 1

Week 1, May 15,  saw Team Epic Fail fall in a heartbreaking loss to the Fat, Red-Red Shirted, Round Men.  (No readers, Graham Bennett is not on this team).  In a hotly contested battle of wills, Epic Fail ultimately fell with a final score of 4-3.  Though a loss, many on the team see this as a positive move (largely due to the fact that the team scored, not only once, but three times).  In fact, Epic Fail is not in last place, but rather sits atop position 6 of 8 in the league table.  Team Captain, Jesse Beard had this to say:  "I mean, whatever... Have you seen my pink socks?"

  For Week 2's match Epic Fail will be going head to head with the league's last place team, the Loan Rangers.  I think they may be a bunch of boring investment bankers.

  

Welcome to the Season...